you can't eat that!
12:32 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, December 24, 2006
'Tis the season
I apologize for my COMPLETE ABSENCE over the past few weeks. It has been EXTREMELY COLD in my house and my brain just does not work when it is chilly. (Though my moms frequently point out that my brain is the size of a walnut, it is my opinion that SIZE DOES NOT MATTER.)
But now I have finally woken up from my hibernative state.
For a long time I just lived with my mom with the tasty hair. My mom with the comfy lap lived with us only sometimes. We lived in this place that was EXTREMELY COLD a lot of the time. Sometimes I would sit on the windowsill and watch the snow falling, but most of the time I found the warmest place in the house and stayed put. Now we live in a place where there is NO SNOW WHATSOEVER, even though sometimes it does get downright chilly. My mom with the tasty hair says she misses the snow a lot. My moms say that someday we might go live in some other place that does have snow, but for now we only have rain.
When I just lived with my mom with the tasty hair, I learned that there are these things called Christmas and Hanukkah that happen when it gets snowy. I have figured out that Christmas and Hanukkah also happen when it does not snow, as it does not snow here but we still have Christmas and Hanukkah. My mom with the tasty hair says that she does not know what time of year it is on account of the weather. Now, my brain may be the size of a walnut, but I don't need precipitation to tell time. All I need is my STOMACH.
Because I am very good at telling time, I know that it is time again for Hanukkah and Christmas. Hanukkah, which belongs to my mom with the tasty hair, comes with this very interesting thing with which I sadly do not get along:
Once, when my mom with the tasty hair was not looking, I went up to it to introduce myself. It singed the tip of one of my whiskers. I thought that was VERY RUDE and so I stopped trying to make friends with it. Because really, who need a rude friend, even if it is very warm, bright, and captivating?
Christmas belongs to my mom with the comfy lap, and it comes with this very interesting thing with which I could get along quite well if my moms were not always CHASING ME AWAY FROM IT:
Hanukkah and Christmas also come with fun things upon which to snack. These include RIBBON and STYROFOAM PEANUTS. Ribbon and styrofoam peanuts are quite tasty but provide absolutely no nutritional value as far as I can tell. They also tend not to agree with my delicate stomach. My moms are onto me with respect to the ribbon, and they get rid of it as soon as it comes into the house. I think my moms are onto me also with respect to the styrofoam peanuts. However, styrofoam peanuts are sneaky, kind of like yours truly. So even when my moms think they've removed all the peanuts from the house, they are usually wrong. Which means I GET TO EAT THEM. Which also means MY MOMS GET TO CLEAN IT UP.
But really, even with all these strange prohibitions, I think Christmas and Hanukkah are wonderful things. Last year when it was Christmas I got this terrific thing from my favorite person, who happens to be the father of my mom with the tasty hair.
Also I got this great big sock all to myself. It smelled gloriously of catnip and barbeque potato chips. And I stuck my head in it, and lo! There was catnip in there, and also some barbeque potato chips!
I have heard my moms say that CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR. Also I think HANUKKAH COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR BUT IT STICKS AROUND A LITTLE LONGER. Sometimes my mom with the tasty hair says THANK GOD CHRISTMAS ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR because this time of year makes her very anxious. My mom with the comfy lap does not have this problem. I think I will have to agree with my mom with the comfy lap on the idea that Christmas should come more often, but maybe for different reasons.
I think Christmas should come more often because of all the FESTIVE SNACKS.
But now I have finally woken up from my hibernative state.
For a long time I just lived with my mom with the tasty hair. My mom with the comfy lap lived with us only sometimes. We lived in this place that was EXTREMELY COLD a lot of the time. Sometimes I would sit on the windowsill and watch the snow falling, but most of the time I found the warmest place in the house and stayed put. Now we live in a place where there is NO SNOW WHATSOEVER, even though sometimes it does get downright chilly. My mom with the tasty hair says she misses the snow a lot. My moms say that someday we might go live in some other place that does have snow, but for now we only have rain.
When I just lived with my mom with the tasty hair, I learned that there are these things called Christmas and Hanukkah that happen when it gets snowy. I have figured out that Christmas and Hanukkah also happen when it does not snow, as it does not snow here but we still have Christmas and Hanukkah. My mom with the tasty hair says that she does not know what time of year it is on account of the weather. Now, my brain may be the size of a walnut, but I don't need precipitation to tell time. All I need is my STOMACH.
Because I am very good at telling time, I know that it is time again for Hanukkah and Christmas. Hanukkah, which belongs to my mom with the tasty hair, comes with this very interesting thing with which I sadly do not get along:
Once, when my mom with the tasty hair was not looking, I went up to it to introduce myself. It singed the tip of one of my whiskers. I thought that was VERY RUDE and so I stopped trying to make friends with it. Because really, who need a rude friend, even if it is very warm, bright, and captivating?
Christmas belongs to my mom with the comfy lap, and it comes with this very interesting thing with which I could get along quite well if my moms were not always CHASING ME AWAY FROM IT:
Hanukkah and Christmas also come with fun things upon which to snack. These include RIBBON and STYROFOAM PEANUTS. Ribbon and styrofoam peanuts are quite tasty but provide absolutely no nutritional value as far as I can tell. They also tend not to agree with my delicate stomach. My moms are onto me with respect to the ribbon, and they get rid of it as soon as it comes into the house. I think my moms are onto me also with respect to the styrofoam peanuts. However, styrofoam peanuts are sneaky, kind of like yours truly. So even when my moms think they've removed all the peanuts from the house, they are usually wrong. Which means I GET TO EAT THEM. Which also means MY MOMS GET TO CLEAN IT UP.
But really, even with all these strange prohibitions, I think Christmas and Hanukkah are wonderful things. Last year when it was Christmas I got this terrific thing from my favorite person, who happens to be the father of my mom with the tasty hair.Also I got this great big sock all to myself. It smelled gloriously of catnip and barbeque potato chips. And I stuck my head in it, and lo! There was catnip in there, and also some barbeque potato chips!I have heard my moms say that CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR. Also I think HANUKKAH COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR BUT IT STICKS AROUND A LITTLE LONGER. Sometimes my mom with the tasty hair says THANK GOD CHRISTMAS ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR because this time of year makes her very anxious. My mom with the comfy lap does not have this problem. I think I will have to agree with my mom with the comfy lap on the idea that Christmas should come more often, but maybe for different reasons.
I think Christmas should come more often because of all the FESTIVE SNACKS.
Labels: moms
