you can't eat that!
9:10 PM Eastern Time
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Culinary fusion
This afternoon my mom with the tasty hair happened to witness a somewhat humiliating situation. She had come into the bedroom for something or other just as I was about to PUKE UP SOMETHING VILE. My mom with the tasty hair announced this impending event to my mom with the comfy lap just as I EXPELLED A RATHER NASTY MASS UPON THE CARPET.
My mom with the comfy lap offered to clean it up. Both my moms went about assembling the cleaning supplies. I meandered into the kitchen to bathe myself in an attempt to pretend that NOTHING WHATSOEVER HAD JUST OCCURRED, but I knew that my ruse was completely ineffective.
My mom with the comfy lap engaged in a quick game of CSI: CAT PUKE and discovered that there were two distinct sources of my gastric distress. (I could have told my moms this myself, if only they understood MEOWING.)
The first component was CASHEWS.
And it was all HONEY, HOW DID THE CAT GET INTO THE CASHEWS? and SHE MUST HAVE FOUND SOME WHEN I WAS MAKING THE CURRY and CAT, WHY DO YOU EAT CASHEWS OFF THE FLOOR? YOU DO NOT LIKE NUTS! and JUST BECAUSE IT FALLS ON THE FLOOR DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT IT.
The second component was TAPE.
I think I should get at least a little bit of credit here. After all, the house is still full of CARDBOARD BOXES and those are covered in TAPE OF ALL KINDS which is just BEGGING TO BE SAMPLED.
But no, it was all DUMB CAT, WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN EATING TAPE? and CASHEWS AND TAPE ARE A REALLY DISGUSTING COMBINATION and THAT IS NOT HOW TO GET YOUR DINNER TO STICK TO YOUR RIBS, YOU SILLY BEAST!
Rest assured, I learned my lesson. Cashews and tape do not go well together at all. Next time I will EAT THEM SEPARATELY.
My mom with the comfy lap offered to clean it up. Both my moms went about assembling the cleaning supplies. I meandered into the kitchen to bathe myself in an attempt to pretend that NOTHING WHATSOEVER HAD JUST OCCURRED, but I knew that my ruse was completely ineffective.
My mom with the comfy lap engaged in a quick game of CSI: CAT PUKE and discovered that there were two distinct sources of my gastric distress. (I could have told my moms this myself, if only they understood MEOWING.)
The first component was CASHEWS.And it was all HONEY, HOW DID THE CAT GET INTO THE CASHEWS? and SHE MUST HAVE FOUND SOME WHEN I WAS MAKING THE CURRY and CAT, WHY DO YOU EAT CASHEWS OFF THE FLOOR? YOU DO NOT LIKE NUTS! and JUST BECAUSE IT FALLS ON THE FLOOR DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT IT.
The second component was TAPE.I think I should get at least a little bit of credit here. After all, the house is still full of CARDBOARD BOXES and those are covered in TAPE OF ALL KINDS which is just BEGGING TO BE SAMPLED.
But no, it was all DUMB CAT, WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN EATING TAPE? and CASHEWS AND TAPE ARE A REALLY DISGUSTING COMBINATION and THAT IS NOT HOW TO GET YOUR DINNER TO STICK TO YOUR RIBS, YOU SILLY BEAST!
Rest assured, I learned my lesson. Cashews and tape do not go well together at all. Next time I will EAT THEM SEPARATELY.
Labels: floor candy, trauma
10:11 PM Eastern Time
Thursday, January 24, 2008
New digs
After a TORMENTOUS, HELLISH WEEK IN THE CAR, my moms and I are finally in our new home. On our last night on the road we hung out with the parents of my mom with the tasty hair. This was much better than the MOTELS in which we'd been hanging out, and not just because my FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD (i.e., the dad of my one mom) was there. The house was big and smelled of all kinds of interesting things. However, I quickly became OVERWHELMED and, as is my wont, RETREATED UNDER THE BED. I only came out for my moms and for my FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD, who by the way was very excited to have me over for a short visit.
But soon we were in our new home, and once I was sure that my moms were not going to PICK ME UP AND TAKE ME ELSEWHERE again, I set about EXPLORING. This caused my moms much consternation because I had to be reminded multiple times that EVEN THOUGH THE SCENERY IS DIFFERENT, ALL OF THE RULES ARE THE SAME. I am still not allowed to do things like JUMP ON THE COUNTERS, SNACK ON PLASTIC BAGS, or LICK THE EMPTY TUNA CANS.
There are also new things I cannot do, like PLAY IN THE CLOSETS or SIT ON THE PIANO. Actually, I have never been allowed to sit on the piano, but I did not have trouble remembering this in our old house. But here the piano is right behind the couch, on which I am allowed to sit. I do not understand why, if the couch is touching the piano, permission to sit on the couch does not extend to the piano. I think maybe this is the basis of problems in WORLD GEOPOLITICS.
I also cannot PLAY IN THE PANTRY. This is truly a shame because in the pantry is the MOST MARVELOUS AMUSMENT PARK RIDE EVER. It is a cat-go-round. I know how to operate it myself, but I AM NOT ALLOWED. This prohibition has nothing to do with my height and everything to do with my FELINE NATURE.
Here I am being CAUGHT IN THE ACT:
There are other places to play in the pantry, but none of them is as fun as the cat-go-round.
As my moms are very well aware, I do not deal well with CLOSED DOORS. It does not matter what side of the door I am on. So I hang around and wait for the doors to OPEN, and then when they do, I just have to hope that my moms are PAYING ATTENTION TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN ME. This is not something I hope for very often. Just when the pantry door opens and the tune of the cat-go-round organ begins to resonate in my walnut-sized brain.
But soon we were in our new home, and once I was sure that my moms were not going to PICK ME UP AND TAKE ME ELSEWHERE again, I set about EXPLORING. This caused my moms much consternation because I had to be reminded multiple times that EVEN THOUGH THE SCENERY IS DIFFERENT, ALL OF THE RULES ARE THE SAME. I am still not allowed to do things like JUMP ON THE COUNTERS, SNACK ON PLASTIC BAGS, or LICK THE EMPTY TUNA CANS.
There are also new things I cannot do, like PLAY IN THE CLOSETS or SIT ON THE PIANO. Actually, I have never been allowed to sit on the piano, but I did not have trouble remembering this in our old house. But here the piano is right behind the couch, on which I am allowed to sit. I do not understand why, if the couch is touching the piano, permission to sit on the couch does not extend to the piano. I think maybe this is the basis of problems in WORLD GEOPOLITICS.
I also cannot PLAY IN THE PANTRY. This is truly a shame because in the pantry is the MOST MARVELOUS AMUSMENT PARK RIDE EVER. It is a cat-go-round. I know how to operate it myself, but I AM NOT ALLOWED. This prohibition has nothing to do with my height and everything to do with my FELINE NATURE.
Here I am being CAUGHT IN THE ACT:
There are other places to play in the pantry, but none of them is as fun as the cat-go-round.
As my moms are very well aware, I do not deal well with CLOSED DOORS. It does not matter what side of the door I am on. So I hang around and wait for the doors to OPEN, and then when they do, I just have to hope that my moms are PAYING ATTENTION TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN ME. This is not something I hope for very often. Just when the pantry door opens and the tune of the cat-go-round organ begins to resonate in my walnut-sized brain.
Labels: household items
7:58 PM Eastern Time
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Home away from home
I have been making myself at home in this place my moms call EXTENDED STAY. There are many interesting things to look at around here. Many of them are located UNDER THE BED. However, many of them are of the AVIAN KIND and are therefore located ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WINDOW.
Also, my mom with the comfy lap has been ACTING A LITTLE WEIRD of late. From her conversations with my mom with the tasty hair, I gather that she has A LOT OF GOODBYES TO SAY and she does not like to do things like that. My mom with the tasty hair has been saying all kinds of nice things to my other mom, in an effort to help her feel better (which I understand is WHAT SHE IS TRAINED TO DO).
I thought I might also be able to help. So I showed my one mom what I do when I am UPSET or FRUSTRATED. I was pleased to observe that she seemed to benefit from it.
Also, my mom with the comfy lap has been ACTING A LITTLE WEIRD of late. From her conversations with my mom with the tasty hair, I gather that she has A LOT OF GOODBYES TO SAY and she does not like to do things like that. My mom with the tasty hair has been saying all kinds of nice things to my other mom, in an effort to help her feel better (which I understand is WHAT SHE IS TRAINED TO DO).
I thought I might also be able to help. So I showed my one mom what I do when I am UPSET or FRUSTRATED. I was pleased to observe that she seemed to benefit from it.
Labels: modus operandi
12:54 AM Eastern Time
Friday, January 04, 2008
Exodus
There has been a lot of UPHEAVAL in my world.
First, the kitten is taking up a lot more room inside my mom with the tasty hair. I am definitely no longer allowed on her lap. This is very unfortunate because HER LAP IS GETTING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMFY. Thinking that perhaps my mom with the comfy lap would likewise acquire tastier hair, I have been sampling her hair every now and then. But her hair still tastes the same.
Second, my moms spent a lot of time over the past several weeks PACKING THINGS IN BOXES. This disrupted my routine greatly. All of a sudden the house was full of BOXES where formerly it was full of PLACES FOR ME TO BE. The upside of this was that I was allowed to be in places where formerly I was not allowed to be. My moms initially attempted to enforce all the normal rules, but soon they decided IT WAS FUTILE BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING.
I tried to make friends with the BOXES. I like to show my affection by EATING THE TAPE OFF THEM, but this whole thing was just too stressful and I could not even concentrate on that.
Earlier this week MOVERS TOOK ALL THE STUFF AWAY. I was shuttled back and forth between the bathroom and my BIG WIRE CAGE so that I would not get in their way. That day was full of all my biggest stressors--NOISE, STRANGERS, CHANGES IN MY ENVIRONMENT, and THE VACUUM CLEANER. But I was not the only one who was traumatized. Neither of my moms does well with CHANGE either.
After the movers were done we went to this place which my moms call EXTENDED STAY. My moms are not too fond of this lodging, but at least they are more relaxed and THAT MAKES ME RELAXED TOO. I am told this is our home for a week, and then we will be going to a place called MASSACHUSETTS. I have never seen MASSACHUSETTS. Apparently MASSACHUSETTS has a lot of snow, which makes my mom with the tasty hair very happy. I remember snow from when we lived in OHIO. I used to like to watch the little white bugs fall from the sky. But I was never able to catch them, because I was INSIDE and they were OUTSIDE.
So I am pretty sure there is a LONG CAR TRIP IN MY FUTURE. I like car trips, as long as they do not terminate at the vet. I like to hang out in my BIG WIRE CAGE and watch the trucks out the back windshield, but mostly I like to sleep. This will be my second LONG CAR TRIP ever, but this time we will get to visit the parents of my mom with the tasty hair. I am very excited about this. My first LONG CAR TRIP did not involve any other members of my FAN CLUB. With this to look forward to, I might almost be okay with hiding under a different bed every night for a week.
First, the kitten is taking up a lot more room inside my mom with the tasty hair. I am definitely no longer allowed on her lap. This is very unfortunate because HER LAP IS GETTING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMFY. Thinking that perhaps my mom with the comfy lap would likewise acquire tastier hair, I have been sampling her hair every now and then. But her hair still tastes the same.
Second, my moms spent a lot of time over the past several weeks PACKING THINGS IN BOXES. This disrupted my routine greatly. All of a sudden the house was full of BOXES where formerly it was full of PLACES FOR ME TO BE. The upside of this was that I was allowed to be in places where formerly I was not allowed to be. My moms initially attempted to enforce all the normal rules, but soon they decided IT WAS FUTILE BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING.
I tried to make friends with the BOXES. I like to show my affection by EATING THE TAPE OFF THEM, but this whole thing was just too stressful and I could not even concentrate on that.
Earlier this week MOVERS TOOK ALL THE STUFF AWAY. I was shuttled back and forth between the bathroom and my BIG WIRE CAGE so that I would not get in their way. That day was full of all my biggest stressors--NOISE, STRANGERS, CHANGES IN MY ENVIRONMENT, and THE VACUUM CLEANER. But I was not the only one who was traumatized. Neither of my moms does well with CHANGE either.After the movers were done we went to this place which my moms call EXTENDED STAY. My moms are not too fond of this lodging, but at least they are more relaxed and THAT MAKES ME RELAXED TOO. I am told this is our home for a week, and then we will be going to a place called MASSACHUSETTS. I have never seen MASSACHUSETTS. Apparently MASSACHUSETTS has a lot of snow, which makes my mom with the tasty hair very happy. I remember snow from when we lived in OHIO. I used to like to watch the little white bugs fall from the sky. But I was never able to catch them, because I was INSIDE and they were OUTSIDE.
So I am pretty sure there is a LONG CAR TRIP IN MY FUTURE. I like car trips, as long as they do not terminate at the vet. I like to hang out in my BIG WIRE CAGE and watch the trucks out the back windshield, but mostly I like to sleep. This will be my second LONG CAR TRIP ever, but this time we will get to visit the parents of my mom with the tasty hair. I am very excited about this. My first LONG CAR TRIP did not involve any other members of my FAN CLUB. With this to look forward to, I might almost be okay with hiding under a different bed every night for a week.
Labels: trauma
