you can't eat that!

My mom with the comfy lap has gone away for several days. She is apparently doing some stuff with her church denomination. My mom with the comfy lap has a job doing churchy stuff, does churchy activist stuff, and is getting some new letters after her name by reading big heavy books about churchy stuff.

My other mom, with the tasty hair, does not do churchy stuff at all. Which means I HAVE HER UNDIVIDED ATTENTION FOR EIGHT DAYS.

I don't do churchy stuff either. Personally, I worship myself. My mom with the comfy lap would say this is blasphemy, seeing as how cats might be fully divine but wouldn't even want to be fully human even as a bonus. My mom with the tasty hair would just say I HAVE PROBLEMS and leave it at that.

My mom with the tasty hair was doing some stuff tonight that did not involve me. THIS WAS UNACCEPTABLE.

Normally I get her attention by chewing on that delicious hair of hers, but I couldn't reach it. So I chewed on the closest thing in reach of my mouth.

My mom with the tasty hair caught me immediately and started in with CAT, WHY ARE YOU CHEWING ON THE EXTENSION CORD? GOOD THING THAT'S NOT PLUGGED IN! and so on.

I may not act like it all the time, but I am pretty smart. I mean, if you can read with your butt, you can't be all that dense. I knew this thing wasn't plugged in all along. I just wanted to see what would happen if I nibbled ever so gently upon its plasticky sweet self. I thought my mom with the tasty hair might pay attention to me, and I was right.

But then my mom with the tasty hair looked at the plasticky sweetness and started muttering some things about how CATS DON'T UNDERSTAND IRONY.

As brilliant as I am, sometimes my moms are actually right.
Such occurrences are HIGHLY DISTRESSING.

Labels: household items