you can't eat that!
8:11 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Socks!
As previously mentioned, I have a special affinity for shoes belonging to my mom with the tasty hair. What I have not mentioned previously is that I also like socks belonging to my mom with the comfy lap. Sometimes she takes off her socks in the night and drops them next to the bed. Then sometimes I get bored in the night and I bat her socks around the house. And then in the morning it is all HONEY, WHY IS ONE OF YOUR SOCKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATHROOM? and THE CAT MUST HAVE BEEN BORED IN THE NIGHT AGAIN and WELL, SHE DEPOSITED YOUR SOCK NEXT TO HER BOX.
Normally I wait until the socks are no longer on my one mom before I have my way with them. But last night I just COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. My moms had gone out for a while, and when they came back, my mom with the comfy lap had a brand-new pair of socks which she proceeded to put on her feet. These socks are like nothing I've ever seen before. For one, they are HAIRY. For another, they TASTE LIKE PLASTIC.
I know that they taste like plastic because I TASTED THEM. Here is how it happened:
My mom with the comfy lap was sitting at the table, which I myself am NOT ALLOWED TO DO, and those hairy socks were RIGHT AT MY EYE-LEVEL and so what else was I to do except to investigate them? First I sniffed around a little bit. Then I took a cautious little lick, just to see if they tasted as interesting as they looked. And then finally I applied my teeth.
All of a sudden it was OW! BAD CAT! WHAT THE HELL! and WHAT DID THE CAT DO NOW? and THE STUPID CAT WAS INVESTIGATING MY SOCK AND SHE BIT MY FOOT! I ran away to hide someplace where neither of my moms could find me, to contemplate the errors of my ways and hope that my mom with the comfy lap leaves those hairy socks by the bed sometime soon. For I am not nearly finished with my investigation. I have yet to assess how well they glide across the floor in the night.
Normally I wait until the socks are no longer on my one mom before I have my way with them. But last night I just COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. My moms had gone out for a while, and when they came back, my mom with the comfy lap had a brand-new pair of socks which she proceeded to put on her feet. These socks are like nothing I've ever seen before. For one, they are HAIRY. For another, they TASTE LIKE PLASTIC.
I know that they taste like plastic because I TASTED THEM. Here is how it happened:
My mom with the comfy lap was sitting at the table, which I myself am NOT ALLOWED TO DO, and those hairy socks were RIGHT AT MY EYE-LEVEL and so what else was I to do except to investigate them? First I sniffed around a little bit. Then I took a cautious little lick, just to see if they tasted as interesting as they looked. And then finally I applied my teeth.All of a sudden it was OW! BAD CAT! WHAT THE HELL! and WHAT DID THE CAT DO NOW? and THE STUPID CAT WAS INVESTIGATING MY SOCK AND SHE BIT MY FOOT! I ran away to hide someplace where neither of my moms could find me, to contemplate the errors of my ways and hope that my mom with the comfy lap leaves those hairy socks by the bed sometime soon. For I am not nearly finished with my investigation. I have yet to assess how well they glide across the floor in the night.
Labels: household items
8:32 PM Eastern Time
Monday, February 05, 2007
L'amour
My world is all topsy-turvy on account of my moms' schedules. My one mom, with the tasty hair, is now home more often because her workplace is VERY STRANGE. My other mom, with the comfy lap, is now home less often because school has started up again and she is working EVEN MORE. This all makes my mom with the tasty hair VERY ANXIOUS, and by extension it also makes me VERY ANXIOUS.
When I get anxious, I scratch. Sometimes I scratch my ears, sometimes I scratch my cheeks, and sometimes I scratch around my eyes. If I scratch a little too much, my moms will ambush me with a wet washcloth and a small amount of soap, and sometimes also some antibiotic cream. This does not please me at all. In fact, sometimes BEING WET AND SOAPY makes me EVEN MORE ANXIOUS.
Last night my mom with the tasty hair noticed that my eye was VERY RED AND ANGRY-LOOKING. She and my other mom investigated. I tried to make my whole self angry-looking as well, but that did not do much except to elicit a lot of CAT, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD and HONEY, WILL YOU HOLD THE CAT STILL SO THAT I CAN WASH HER FACE? But my moms were still concerned about my eye, and so I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED from an otherwise pleasant little after-dinner snooze for a trip to the vet.
This involved all the usual things, like poking and prodding and HAVING ITEMS STUCK IN VERY PERSONAL AREAS. Then I was scooped up and taken to visit the scales, and while I was there I met a hot young thing.
The trip to the vet suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.
I commenced making all kinds of noises which my mom with the tasty hair had never heard before. She tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly have any interest in this boy because CAT, YOU HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS but really, I think she just did not understand. You see, my moms are not very interested in boys. Although it is true that I HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS, I did have some kittens first. And old habits die hard.
It turns out that not only do I not have any infection by my eye, but also I have lost some weight. Which means that I am EVEN MORE GORGEOUS THAN PREVIOUSLY ASSESSED. All the more reason that I should have been allowed to get to know that hot young thing. Besides, it's not like it would have resulted in any more mouths to feed.
When I get anxious, I scratch. Sometimes I scratch my ears, sometimes I scratch my cheeks, and sometimes I scratch around my eyes. If I scratch a little too much, my moms will ambush me with a wet washcloth and a small amount of soap, and sometimes also some antibiotic cream. This does not please me at all. In fact, sometimes BEING WET AND SOAPY makes me EVEN MORE ANXIOUS.
Last night my mom with the tasty hair noticed that my eye was VERY RED AND ANGRY-LOOKING. She and my other mom investigated. I tried to make my whole self angry-looking as well, but that did not do much except to elicit a lot of CAT, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD and HONEY, WILL YOU HOLD THE CAT STILL SO THAT I CAN WASH HER FACE? But my moms were still concerned about my eye, and so I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED from an otherwise pleasant little after-dinner snooze for a trip to the vet.
This involved all the usual things, like poking and prodding and HAVING ITEMS STUCK IN VERY PERSONAL AREAS. Then I was scooped up and taken to visit the scales, and while I was there I met a hot young thing.
The trip to the vet suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.
I commenced making all kinds of noises which my mom with the tasty hair had never heard before. She tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly have any interest in this boy because CAT, YOU HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS but really, I think she just did not understand. You see, my moms are not very interested in boys. Although it is true that I HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS, I did have some kittens first. And old habits die hard.It turns out that not only do I not have any infection by my eye, but also I have lost some weight. Which means that I am EVEN MORE GORGEOUS THAN PREVIOUSLY ASSESSED. All the more reason that I should have been allowed to get to know that hot young thing. Besides, it's not like it would have resulted in any more mouths to feed.
Labels: trauma
