you can't eat that!
9:24 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Movie night
Last night my mom with the comfy lap wanted to clean the house. My mom with the tasty hair wanted to watch a movie. All three of us were very surprised. Normally it is my mom with the tasty hair who wants to clean the house, and my mom with the comfy lap who wants to watch a movie. So they decided to clean the house first and then watch a movie as a reward.
For me this was both good and bad. When the house is clean, it means THERE ARE FEWER THINGS AVAILABLE UPON WHICH I CAN SNACK. This is a good thing for my moms but a bad thing for me. When my moms watch a movie, it means MY MOMS HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PET ME. This is a good thing for me but a bad thing for my moms, because it is all CAT, I AM TRYING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE BUT YOUR BUTT IS IN THE WAY.
While my moms cleaned the house, I hid under the couch upstairs and fretted about this apparent zero-sum game. But then, when it was time for the movie, I realized that the situation was not so bad after all--
--for last night's showing included POPCORN.
I did my best to stay away from the popcorn during the movie because my moms think I do not like popcorn. My moms are very wrong. They base their opinions on a couple of times when they had offered me some popcorn, thinking I would like it because it is greasy and salty; and yet I did not partake of it. My moms did not consider the fact that I had just eaten dinner and so did not have any room left for popcorn. (Sometimes I do actually know my limits.)
A similar thing happened last night involving dinner and popcorn, only it was my moms' dinner and my moms' lack of room for popcorn. They were very tired after the movie and did not remember to put away the leftovers on their way to bed.
Early this morning, around 6:30, I went on my pre-dawn constitutional about the house. And there, by the television, was the forgotten bowl of popcorn! I sampled some of it. It was definitely last night's popcorn, but I have been known to eat even extremely old items if they are of interest.
My mom with the comfy lap came in and banished me from the rest of the popcorn. I thought she would sleep through my munchings, as she usually does; but I was wrong. My mom with the tasty hair was mostly sleeping when my other mom came back to bed, but she wanted to know what was going on. And my mom with the comfy lap said, WE ATE POPCORN.
And my mom with the tasty hair said, YES, WE DID EAT POPCORN LAST NIGHT, not realizing that my other mom was using THE ROYAL FELINE WE and not the regular kind of we.
And my mom with the comfy lap said, NO, I MEAN THE CAT WAS EATING THE POPCORN SO I THREW IT AWAY.
Then both my moms went back to sleep and I curled up with them a little while later. I thought all was forgiven, but then I got breakfast late because it was all CATS NEED TO WAIT FOR BREAKFAST IN CASE THEY PUKE UP THE POPCORN.
I did not, in fact, puke up the popcorn, so this all struck me as rather CRUEL AND UNUSUAL. Next time there is movie night, I will have to be a lot sneakier about the popcorn.
And for the record: I have never puked up any popcorn.
For me this was both good and bad. When the house is clean, it means THERE ARE FEWER THINGS AVAILABLE UPON WHICH I CAN SNACK. This is a good thing for my moms but a bad thing for me. When my moms watch a movie, it means MY MOMS HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PET ME. This is a good thing for me but a bad thing for my moms, because it is all CAT, I AM TRYING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE BUT YOUR BUTT IS IN THE WAY.
While my moms cleaned the house, I hid under the couch upstairs and fretted about this apparent zero-sum game. But then, when it was time for the movie, I realized that the situation was not so bad after all--
--for last night's showing included POPCORN.
I did my best to stay away from the popcorn during the movie because my moms think I do not like popcorn. My moms are very wrong. They base their opinions on a couple of times when they had offered me some popcorn, thinking I would like it because it is greasy and salty; and yet I did not partake of it. My moms did not consider the fact that I had just eaten dinner and so did not have any room left for popcorn. (Sometimes I do actually know my limits.)
A similar thing happened last night involving dinner and popcorn, only it was my moms' dinner and my moms' lack of room for popcorn. They were very tired after the movie and did not remember to put away the leftovers on their way to bed.
Early this morning, around 6:30, I went on my pre-dawn constitutional about the house. And there, by the television, was the forgotten bowl of popcorn! I sampled some of it. It was definitely last night's popcorn, but I have been known to eat even extremely old items if they are of interest.
My mom with the comfy lap came in and banished me from the rest of the popcorn. I thought she would sleep through my munchings, as she usually does; but I was wrong. My mom with the tasty hair was mostly sleeping when my other mom came back to bed, but she wanted to know what was going on. And my mom with the comfy lap said, WE ATE POPCORN.
And my mom with the tasty hair said, YES, WE DID EAT POPCORN LAST NIGHT, not realizing that my other mom was using THE ROYAL FELINE WE and not the regular kind of we.
And my mom with the comfy lap said, NO, I MEAN THE CAT WAS EATING THE POPCORN SO I THREW IT AWAY.
Then both my moms went back to sleep and I curled up with them a little while later. I thought all was forgiven, but then I got breakfast late because it was all CATS NEED TO WAIT FOR BREAKFAST IN CASE THEY PUKE UP THE POPCORN.
I did not, in fact, puke up the popcorn, so this all struck me as rather CRUEL AND UNUSUAL. Next time there is movie night, I will have to be a lot sneakier about the popcorn.
And for the record: I have never puked up any popcorn.
Labels: people food
9:34 PM Eastern Time
Monday, January 01, 2007
My sweet tooth
My mom with the tasty hair has a sweet tooth. She likes all sorts of things with sugar in them, especially ICE CREAM and DONUTS. My mom with the comfy lap does not really care for very sweet things most of the time. Sometimes, though, she does like to have things like ICE CREAM and DONUTS.
(Both of my moms are very skinny. I do not know how they do it.)
ICE CREAM is something I also like, especially the kind that is MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP. Lucky for me, this is also the absolute favorite of my mom with the tasty hair. Sometimes my moms will have some ICE CREAM while watching television, and they will absent-mindedly put their bowls on the floor when they are finished. This gives me unrestricted access to MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP and so forth, until it is all CATS DO NOT GET ICE CREAM and then I have to scurry off into another room to lick my nose a lot.
My one mom, with the tasty hair, also likes to BAKE STUFF. My mom with the comfy lap likes to BAKE STUFF too, but not nearly as much as my mom with the tasty hair. My moms have learned that if they leave anything covered in tin foil out overnight, I will SINK MY LITTLE FANGS INTO IT while they sleep. So usually they hide the tin foil (and whatever is under it) before going to bed, and they almost never leave anything uncovered if they think I might investigate it in the night.
The other day my mom with the comfy lap decided to BAKE STUFF, namely a CAKE. Then my moms went out and left the CAKE here. My mom with the comfy lap did not cover the CAKE, nor did she hide the CAKE or otherwise place it out of my reach. No, my mom with the comfy lap LEFT THE CAKE UNCOVERED ON THE STOVE.
So naturally I hopped up on the counter to check it out.
Not only did it look very interesting, but it also smelled very interesting. So I nibbled at one corner daintily. Still interesting! So I nibbled at it some more, and some more, and some more, until I shaved off the top of a whole serving of CAKE.
My moms were definitely not pleased when they got home. It was all CAT, THAT CAKE IS SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK WITH YOUR ONE MOM and CATS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO LIKE SUGAR and HONEY, WHY IS THE CAT SO BIZARRE?
What my moms do not know is that I happen to know that it is almost time for BIRTHDAY. This time it belongs to my mom with the tasty hair. And I also know that some things belong to BIRTHDAY, such as CAKE, ICE CREAM, and BALLOONS. Oh, I am going to be a very happy creature very soon.
My moms also do not know that I am very interested in SCIENCE. According to SCIENCE, cats do not care about SUGAR.
Obviously they did not ask the right cats.
(Both of my moms are very skinny. I do not know how they do it.)
ICE CREAM is something I also like, especially the kind that is MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP. Lucky for me, this is also the absolute favorite of my mom with the tasty hair. Sometimes my moms will have some ICE CREAM while watching television, and they will absent-mindedly put their bowls on the floor when they are finished. This gives me unrestricted access to MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP and so forth, until it is all CATS DO NOT GET ICE CREAM and then I have to scurry off into another room to lick my nose a lot.
My one mom, with the tasty hair, also likes to BAKE STUFF. My mom with the comfy lap likes to BAKE STUFF too, but not nearly as much as my mom with the tasty hair. My moms have learned that if they leave anything covered in tin foil out overnight, I will SINK MY LITTLE FANGS INTO IT while they sleep. So usually they hide the tin foil (and whatever is under it) before going to bed, and they almost never leave anything uncovered if they think I might investigate it in the night.
The other day my mom with the comfy lap decided to BAKE STUFF, namely a CAKE. Then my moms went out and left the CAKE here. My mom with the comfy lap did not cover the CAKE, nor did she hide the CAKE or otherwise place it out of my reach. No, my mom with the comfy lap LEFT THE CAKE UNCOVERED ON THE STOVE.
So naturally I hopped up on the counter to check it out.
Not only did it look very interesting, but it also smelled very interesting. So I nibbled at one corner daintily. Still interesting! So I nibbled at it some more, and some more, and some more, until I shaved off the top of a whole serving of CAKE.
My moms were definitely not pleased when they got home. It was all CAT, THAT CAKE IS SUPPOSED TO GO TO WORK WITH YOUR ONE MOM and CATS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO LIKE SUGAR and HONEY, WHY IS THE CAT SO BIZARRE?
What my moms do not know is that I happen to know that it is almost time for BIRTHDAY. This time it belongs to my mom with the tasty hair. And I also know that some things belong to BIRTHDAY, such as CAKE, ICE CREAM, and BALLOONS. Oh, I am going to be a very happy creature very soon.
My moms also do not know that I am very interested in SCIENCE. According to SCIENCE, cats do not care about SUGAR.
Obviously they did not ask the right cats.
Labels: people food
