you can't eat that!
12:01 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Hunger strike
I apologize that I have not shared my BRILLIANT INSIGHTS in a very long time. Although the arrival of the kitten was initially not so much of a problem, I did get A LITTLE BIT BESIDE MYSELF and needed some time to sort out my feelings.
My moms took a little while to notice how BESIDE MYSELF I was because they were rather BESIDE THEMSELVES as well, what with the kitten's fussiness. The combination of the kitten's fussiness and my moms' overwhelmedness made me anxious as well. Sometimes I scratch my ears when I get anxious, but this time I stopped eating. (How unlike me, I know! but such was the extent of my BESIDE-MYSELF-EDNESS.)
So my mom with the comfy lap TOOK ME TO THE VET and I was of course poked and prodded and sampled and all that. I did not enjoy it one bit. But then, to test whether the problem was physical or emotional, the vet put a BIG BOWL OF PEOPLE TUNA in front of me.
The vet and my one mom concluded that the problem was very definitely emotional.
To entice me to eat, my moms mixed my food with PEOPLE TUNA for a while. This was all the enticement I needed. They hoped I would not notice that the ratio of cat food to PEOPLE TUNA was increasing, but I am WAY TOO SMART to be fooled like that, and also FAR TOO OBSERVANT WHERE PEOPLE TUNA IS INVOLVED. But I played dumb, and eventually my food was merely doused in PEOPLE TUNA JUICE.
Then some friends of my mom with the comfy lap brought my moms a BIG TASTY CHICKEN DINNER, and for a few days there was also CHICKEN and CHICKEN JUICE. I enjoyed that very much too.
I am feeling much better now that I am eating again. And plus I get more attention these days. The kitten is not so fussy anymore, which leaves more time for my moms to play with me. I like to come by while my mom with the tasty hair is feeding the kitten and softly nuzzle the kitten's head. My mom with the tasty hair sometimes BOOTS ME OFF THE BED for this, but if I am very gentle I am allowed to head-butt the kitten to my heart's content.
My moms warn me that CAT, SOMEDAY SOON THE BABY WILL WEIGH MORE THAN YOU AND THEN SHE WILL START PULLING YOUR TAIL, but at least for now I am feeling much better about my place in this family.
My moms took a little while to notice how BESIDE MYSELF I was because they were rather BESIDE THEMSELVES as well, what with the kitten's fussiness. The combination of the kitten's fussiness and my moms' overwhelmedness made me anxious as well. Sometimes I scratch my ears when I get anxious, but this time I stopped eating. (How unlike me, I know! but such was the extent of my BESIDE-MYSELF-EDNESS.)
So my mom with the comfy lap TOOK ME TO THE VET and I was of course poked and prodded and sampled and all that. I did not enjoy it one bit. But then, to test whether the problem was physical or emotional, the vet put a BIG BOWL OF PEOPLE TUNA in front of me.
The vet and my one mom concluded that the problem was very definitely emotional.
To entice me to eat, my moms mixed my food with PEOPLE TUNA for a while. This was all the enticement I needed. They hoped I would not notice that the ratio of cat food to PEOPLE TUNA was increasing, but I am WAY TOO SMART to be fooled like that, and also FAR TOO OBSERVANT WHERE PEOPLE TUNA IS INVOLVED. But I played dumb, and eventually my food was merely doused in PEOPLE TUNA JUICE.
Then some friends of my mom with the comfy lap brought my moms a BIG TASTY CHICKEN DINNER, and for a few days there was also CHICKEN and CHICKEN JUICE. I enjoyed that very much too.
I am feeling much better now that I am eating again. And plus I get more attention these days. The kitten is not so fussy anymore, which leaves more time for my moms to play with me. I like to come by while my mom with the tasty hair is feeding the kitten and softly nuzzle the kitten's head. My mom with the tasty hair sometimes BOOTS ME OFF THE BED for this, but if I am very gentle I am allowed to head-butt the kitten to my heart's content.
My moms warn me that CAT, SOMEDAY SOON THE BABY WILL WEIGH MORE THAN YOU AND THEN SHE WILL START PULLING YOUR TAIL, but at least for now I am feeling much better about my place in this family.
Labels: kitten, people food, trauma
9:10 PM Eastern Time
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Culinary fusion
This afternoon my mom with the tasty hair happened to witness a somewhat humiliating situation. She had come into the bedroom for something or other just as I was about to PUKE UP SOMETHING VILE. My mom with the tasty hair announced this impending event to my mom with the comfy lap just as I EXPELLED A RATHER NASTY MASS UPON THE CARPET.
My mom with the comfy lap offered to clean it up. Both my moms went about assembling the cleaning supplies. I meandered into the kitchen to bathe myself in an attempt to pretend that NOTHING WHATSOEVER HAD JUST OCCURRED, but I knew that my ruse was completely ineffective.
My mom with the comfy lap engaged in a quick game of CSI: CAT PUKE and discovered that there were two distinct sources of my gastric distress. (I could have told my moms this myself, if only they understood MEOWING.)
The first component was CASHEWS.
And it was all HONEY, HOW DID THE CAT GET INTO THE CASHEWS? and SHE MUST HAVE FOUND SOME WHEN I WAS MAKING THE CURRY and CAT, WHY DO YOU EAT CASHEWS OFF THE FLOOR? YOU DO NOT LIKE NUTS! and JUST BECAUSE IT FALLS ON THE FLOOR DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT IT.
The second component was TAPE.
I think I should get at least a little bit of credit here. After all, the house is still full of CARDBOARD BOXES and those are covered in TAPE OF ALL KINDS which is just BEGGING TO BE SAMPLED.
But no, it was all DUMB CAT, WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN EATING TAPE? and CASHEWS AND TAPE ARE A REALLY DISGUSTING COMBINATION and THAT IS NOT HOW TO GET YOUR DINNER TO STICK TO YOUR RIBS, YOU SILLY BEAST!
Rest assured, I learned my lesson. Cashews and tape do not go well together at all. Next time I will EAT THEM SEPARATELY.
My mom with the comfy lap offered to clean it up. Both my moms went about assembling the cleaning supplies. I meandered into the kitchen to bathe myself in an attempt to pretend that NOTHING WHATSOEVER HAD JUST OCCURRED, but I knew that my ruse was completely ineffective.
My mom with the comfy lap engaged in a quick game of CSI: CAT PUKE and discovered that there were two distinct sources of my gastric distress. (I could have told my moms this myself, if only they understood MEOWING.)
The first component was CASHEWS.And it was all HONEY, HOW DID THE CAT GET INTO THE CASHEWS? and SHE MUST HAVE FOUND SOME WHEN I WAS MAKING THE CURRY and CAT, WHY DO YOU EAT CASHEWS OFF THE FLOOR? YOU DO NOT LIKE NUTS! and JUST BECAUSE IT FALLS ON THE FLOOR DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO EAT IT.
The second component was TAPE.I think I should get at least a little bit of credit here. After all, the house is still full of CARDBOARD BOXES and those are covered in TAPE OF ALL KINDS which is just BEGGING TO BE SAMPLED.
But no, it was all DUMB CAT, WHY DO YOU PERSIST IN EATING TAPE? and CASHEWS AND TAPE ARE A REALLY DISGUSTING COMBINATION and THAT IS NOT HOW TO GET YOUR DINNER TO STICK TO YOUR RIBS, YOU SILLY BEAST!
Rest assured, I learned my lesson. Cashews and tape do not go well together at all. Next time I will EAT THEM SEPARATELY.
Labels: floor candy, trauma
12:54 AM Eastern Time
Friday, January 04, 2008
Exodus
There has been a lot of UPHEAVAL in my world.
First, the kitten is taking up a lot more room inside my mom with the tasty hair. I am definitely no longer allowed on her lap. This is very unfortunate because HER LAP IS GETTING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMFY. Thinking that perhaps my mom with the comfy lap would likewise acquire tastier hair, I have been sampling her hair every now and then. But her hair still tastes the same.
Second, my moms spent a lot of time over the past several weeks PACKING THINGS IN BOXES. This disrupted my routine greatly. All of a sudden the house was full of BOXES where formerly it was full of PLACES FOR ME TO BE. The upside of this was that I was allowed to be in places where formerly I was not allowed to be. My moms initially attempted to enforce all the normal rules, but soon they decided IT WAS FUTILE BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING.
I tried to make friends with the BOXES. I like to show my affection by EATING THE TAPE OFF THEM, but this whole thing was just too stressful and I could not even concentrate on that.
Earlier this week MOVERS TOOK ALL THE STUFF AWAY. I was shuttled back and forth between the bathroom and my BIG WIRE CAGE so that I would not get in their way. That day was full of all my biggest stressors--NOISE, STRANGERS, CHANGES IN MY ENVIRONMENT, and THE VACUUM CLEANER. But I was not the only one who was traumatized. Neither of my moms does well with CHANGE either.
After the movers were done we went to this place which my moms call EXTENDED STAY. My moms are not too fond of this lodging, but at least they are more relaxed and THAT MAKES ME RELAXED TOO. I am told this is our home for a week, and then we will be going to a place called MASSACHUSETTS. I have never seen MASSACHUSETTS. Apparently MASSACHUSETTS has a lot of snow, which makes my mom with the tasty hair very happy. I remember snow from when we lived in OHIO. I used to like to watch the little white bugs fall from the sky. But I was never able to catch them, because I was INSIDE and they were OUTSIDE.
So I am pretty sure there is a LONG CAR TRIP IN MY FUTURE. I like car trips, as long as they do not terminate at the vet. I like to hang out in my BIG WIRE CAGE and watch the trucks out the back windshield, but mostly I like to sleep. This will be my second LONG CAR TRIP ever, but this time we will get to visit the parents of my mom with the tasty hair. I am very excited about this. My first LONG CAR TRIP did not involve any other members of my FAN CLUB. With this to look forward to, I might almost be okay with hiding under a different bed every night for a week.
First, the kitten is taking up a lot more room inside my mom with the tasty hair. I am definitely no longer allowed on her lap. This is very unfortunate because HER LAP IS GETTING A WHOLE LOT MORE COMFY. Thinking that perhaps my mom with the comfy lap would likewise acquire tastier hair, I have been sampling her hair every now and then. But her hair still tastes the same.
Second, my moms spent a lot of time over the past several weeks PACKING THINGS IN BOXES. This disrupted my routine greatly. All of a sudden the house was full of BOXES where formerly it was full of PLACES FOR ME TO BE. The upside of this was that I was allowed to be in places where formerly I was not allowed to be. My moms initially attempted to enforce all the normal rules, but soon they decided IT WAS FUTILE BECAUSE WE WERE LEAVING.
I tried to make friends with the BOXES. I like to show my affection by EATING THE TAPE OFF THEM, but this whole thing was just too stressful and I could not even concentrate on that.
Earlier this week MOVERS TOOK ALL THE STUFF AWAY. I was shuttled back and forth between the bathroom and my BIG WIRE CAGE so that I would not get in their way. That day was full of all my biggest stressors--NOISE, STRANGERS, CHANGES IN MY ENVIRONMENT, and THE VACUUM CLEANER. But I was not the only one who was traumatized. Neither of my moms does well with CHANGE either.After the movers were done we went to this place which my moms call EXTENDED STAY. My moms are not too fond of this lodging, but at least they are more relaxed and THAT MAKES ME RELAXED TOO. I am told this is our home for a week, and then we will be going to a place called MASSACHUSETTS. I have never seen MASSACHUSETTS. Apparently MASSACHUSETTS has a lot of snow, which makes my mom with the tasty hair very happy. I remember snow from when we lived in OHIO. I used to like to watch the little white bugs fall from the sky. But I was never able to catch them, because I was INSIDE and they were OUTSIDE.
So I am pretty sure there is a LONG CAR TRIP IN MY FUTURE. I like car trips, as long as they do not terminate at the vet. I like to hang out in my BIG WIRE CAGE and watch the trucks out the back windshield, but mostly I like to sleep. This will be my second LONG CAR TRIP ever, but this time we will get to visit the parents of my mom with the tasty hair. I am very excited about this. My first LONG CAR TRIP did not involve any other members of my FAN CLUB. With this to look forward to, I might almost be okay with hiding under a different bed every night for a week.
Labels: trauma
1:56 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Stone soup
I think there is some kind of VAST CONSPIRACY in my house.
My moms are usually preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS OUTSIDE OF ME. But in the past couple of weeks, they have been preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS INSIDE OF ME.
This is horribly confusing.
I will admit that I had been puking quite a bit. I was taken to the vet twice in four days because of the puking. Also I was losing weight, and even I thought this was a bad thing. The vet asked after my activity level. My moms informed him that LETHARGY IS NOT AMONG THIS CAT'S PROBLEMS.
After a humiliating series of pokes, prods, and probes, the vet decided that perhaps the puking was the result of EATING TOO FAST. He declared that I needed to take some pills for several days, which is bad enough in itself. But also he instructed my moms to PUT ROCKS ON MY FOOD.
The first time my moms loaded up my dish with rocks, I was sorely upset. I yelled at them to GET THESE ROCKS OFF MY BREAKFAST but they would have none of it. They stood by and watched as I excavated my breakfast. This was extremely hard work, and not at all befitting of a predator. I have tried scolding my moms many times since, but still they will have none of it and I suppose I should just RESIGN MYSELF TO MY FATE.
But there is a silver lining in all of this. The vet recommended that I get only a little bit of my meals at a time, even with the rocks on top. My moms have split my meals in half, which means that I get TWO BREAKFASTS and TWO DINNERS. I am not sure whether my moms have figured out how happy it makes me to be fed FOUR TIMES A DAY.
I probably should not tell them. Given that there is a VAST CONSPIRACY AFOOT, any expression of joy on my part might well result in a return to twice-a-day feedings.
My moms are usually preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS OUTSIDE OF ME. But in the past couple of weeks, they have been preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS INSIDE OF ME.
This is horribly confusing.
I will admit that I had been puking quite a bit. I was taken to the vet twice in four days because of the puking. Also I was losing weight, and even I thought this was a bad thing. The vet asked after my activity level. My moms informed him that LETHARGY IS NOT AMONG THIS CAT'S PROBLEMS.
After a humiliating series of pokes, prods, and probes, the vet decided that perhaps the puking was the result of EATING TOO FAST. He declared that I needed to take some pills for several days, which is bad enough in itself. But also he instructed my moms to PUT ROCKS ON MY FOOD.
The first time my moms loaded up my dish with rocks, I was sorely upset. I yelled at them to GET THESE ROCKS OFF MY BREAKFAST but they would have none of it. They stood by and watched as I excavated my breakfast. This was extremely hard work, and not at all befitting of a predator. I have tried scolding my moms many times since, but still they will have none of it and I suppose I should just RESIGN MYSELF TO MY FATE.But there is a silver lining in all of this. The vet recommended that I get only a little bit of my meals at a time, even with the rocks on top. My moms have split my meals in half, which means that I get TWO BREAKFASTS and TWO DINNERS. I am not sure whether my moms have figured out how happy it makes me to be fed FOUR TIMES A DAY.
I probably should not tell them. Given that there is a VAST CONSPIRACY AFOOT, any expression of joy on my part might well result in a return to twice-a-day feedings.
Labels: trauma
2:55 PM Eastern Time
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
No kidding, you can't eat that.
My moms are always going on about how the only things I am really allowed to eat are CAT FOOD and CAT TREATS. Of course this does not really stop me from attempting to sample other types of cuisine, including people food, hair, floor candy, and plastic bags.
I am very sad that now SOME CAT FOOD IS NOT FOR CATS. I am especially sad that it is my favorite kind, with CHUNKS AND GRAVY, which has been recalled because some other cats got very sick from it. In my opinion, if it is called CAT FOOD then it should be SAFE FOR CATS TO EAT.
We had some CHUNKS AND GRAVY in the house when it was recalled. My mom with the tasty hair got very nervous about this, but thankfully all the cans had been made before the ones that were recalled and I am feeling quite fine in the renal department, thank you.
But now we have only SOLID ENTREE in the house, the kind with TURKEY AND GIBLETS, which was previously my favorite. I still like this kind very much, but NOTHING COMPARES TO CHUNKS AND GRAVY.
(For the record, my favorite part is the GRAVY, which I like to slurp up before I eat even a single CHUNK.)
I am very sad that now SOME CAT FOOD IS NOT FOR CATS. I am especially sad that it is my favorite kind, with CHUNKS AND GRAVY, which has been recalled because some other cats got very sick from it. In my opinion, if it is called CAT FOOD then it should be SAFE FOR CATS TO EAT.
We had some CHUNKS AND GRAVY in the house when it was recalled. My mom with the tasty hair got very nervous about this, but thankfully all the cans had been made before the ones that were recalled and I am feeling quite fine in the renal department, thank you.
But now we have only SOLID ENTREE in the house, the kind with TURKEY AND GIBLETS, which was previously my favorite. I still like this kind very much, but NOTHING COMPARES TO CHUNKS AND GRAVY.
(For the record, my favorite part is the GRAVY, which I like to slurp up before I eat even a single CHUNK.)
Labels: trauma
8:32 PM Eastern Time
Monday, February 05, 2007
L'amour
My world is all topsy-turvy on account of my moms' schedules. My one mom, with the tasty hair, is now home more often because her workplace is VERY STRANGE. My other mom, with the comfy lap, is now home less often because school has started up again and she is working EVEN MORE. This all makes my mom with the tasty hair VERY ANXIOUS, and by extension it also makes me VERY ANXIOUS.
When I get anxious, I scratch. Sometimes I scratch my ears, sometimes I scratch my cheeks, and sometimes I scratch around my eyes. If I scratch a little too much, my moms will ambush me with a wet washcloth and a small amount of soap, and sometimes also some antibiotic cream. This does not please me at all. In fact, sometimes BEING WET AND SOAPY makes me EVEN MORE ANXIOUS.
Last night my mom with the tasty hair noticed that my eye was VERY RED AND ANGRY-LOOKING. She and my other mom investigated. I tried to make my whole self angry-looking as well, but that did not do much except to elicit a lot of CAT, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD and HONEY, WILL YOU HOLD THE CAT STILL SO THAT I CAN WASH HER FACE? But my moms were still concerned about my eye, and so I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED from an otherwise pleasant little after-dinner snooze for a trip to the vet.
This involved all the usual things, like poking and prodding and HAVING ITEMS STUCK IN VERY PERSONAL AREAS. Then I was scooped up and taken to visit the scales, and while I was there I met a hot young thing.
The trip to the vet suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.
I commenced making all kinds of noises which my mom with the tasty hair had never heard before. She tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly have any interest in this boy because CAT, YOU HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS but really, I think she just did not understand. You see, my moms are not very interested in boys. Although it is true that I HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS, I did have some kittens first. And old habits die hard.
It turns out that not only do I not have any infection by my eye, but also I have lost some weight. Which means that I am EVEN MORE GORGEOUS THAN PREVIOUSLY ASSESSED. All the more reason that I should have been allowed to get to know that hot young thing. Besides, it's not like it would have resulted in any more mouths to feed.
When I get anxious, I scratch. Sometimes I scratch my ears, sometimes I scratch my cheeks, and sometimes I scratch around my eyes. If I scratch a little too much, my moms will ambush me with a wet washcloth and a small amount of soap, and sometimes also some antibiotic cream. This does not please me at all. In fact, sometimes BEING WET AND SOAPY makes me EVEN MORE ANXIOUS.
Last night my mom with the tasty hair noticed that my eye was VERY RED AND ANGRY-LOOKING. She and my other mom investigated. I tried to make my whole self angry-looking as well, but that did not do much except to elicit a lot of CAT, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD and HONEY, WILL YOU HOLD THE CAT STILL SO THAT I CAN WASH HER FACE? But my moms were still concerned about my eye, and so I was RUDELY INTERRUPTED from an otherwise pleasant little after-dinner snooze for a trip to the vet.
This involved all the usual things, like poking and prodding and HAVING ITEMS STUCK IN VERY PERSONAL AREAS. Then I was scooped up and taken to visit the scales, and while I was there I met a hot young thing.
The trip to the vet suddenly got a whole lot more interesting.
I commenced making all kinds of noises which my mom with the tasty hair had never heard before. She tried to tell me that I couldn't possibly have any interest in this boy because CAT, YOU HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS but really, I think she just did not understand. You see, my moms are not very interested in boys. Although it is true that I HAVE NOT HAD NADS FOR YEARS, I did have some kittens first. And old habits die hard.It turns out that not only do I not have any infection by my eye, but also I have lost some weight. Which means that I am EVEN MORE GORGEOUS THAN PREVIOUSLY ASSESSED. All the more reason that I should have been allowed to get to know that hot young thing. Besides, it's not like it would have resulted in any more mouths to feed.
Labels: trauma
11:54 PM Eastern Time
Sunday, August 06, 2006
The earth moved for me, too
I have not written in a while because my one mom, the one with the tasty hair, has been HURTING. She has had to go get poked and prodded, but she hasn't been playing with me much. My other mom, with the comfy lap, plays with me some, but I am worried about my mom with the tasty hair. I hear her talk sometimes about carpal tunnels, which unfortunately ARE NOT ABOUT FISH. I know this because I have licked her in all the places she hurts, and sampled her hair just for good measure, and none of those spots tasted like fish. I spend a lot of time hanging around my one mom, just to make sure she is okay. When my one mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
On Wednesday night last week, we were HOME ALONE. I was keeping a close eye on my mom with the tasty hair. (A half-closed eye, really, but don't tell anyone.) Then, about two hours after my dinner, the house started WIGGLING FROM SIDE TO SIDE! I thought maybe the house was going to pounce on something.
My mom with the tasty hair got all scared and started in with CAT? CAT? WHERE ARE YOU? OH NO! And right as the wiggling stopped, she found me. I'd been right next to her all along.
I think maybe this hurting is getting to her brain.
I am aware that when the house gets all wiggly, one is supposed to assume this type of position:
So that is what I did for the rest of the night, until it was time to tuck my moms into bed and snuggle amidst my one mom's tasty hair--I mean, PROVIDE HER WITH ESSENTIAL LUMBAR SUPPORT.
On Wednesday night last week, we were HOME ALONE. I was keeping a close eye on my mom with the tasty hair. (A half-closed eye, really, but don't tell anyone.) Then, about two hours after my dinner, the house started WIGGLING FROM SIDE TO SIDE! I thought maybe the house was going to pounce on something.
My mom with the tasty hair got all scared and started in with CAT? CAT? WHERE ARE YOU? OH NO! And right as the wiggling stopped, she found me. I'd been right next to her all along.
I think maybe this hurting is getting to her brain.
I am aware that when the house gets all wiggly, one is supposed to assume this type of position:
So that is what I did for the rest of the night, until it was time to tuck my moms into bed and snuggle amidst my one mom's tasty hair--I mean, PROVIDE HER WITH ESSENTIAL LUMBAR SUPPORT.
Labels: trauma
10:30 PM Eastern Time
Friday, February 17, 2006
I am an X-file
A VERY TRAUMATIC THING happened to me a week ago. It has taken me SEVEN DAYS to recover enough to share these events with the rest of the world.
My one mom (with the tasty hair) put me in THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH last Friday. I complained all the way to the car, to no avail. Then the car started vibrating and making that soothing humming noise and we were moving and all was better. Eut then we were in front of a BIG SCARY BUILDING and it just went DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
I don't know what happened next. But then I found myself crawling out of THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH onto a COLD METAL TABLE. I am pretty sure I have been there before and some yucky stuff happened those times too.
Then this WEIRD HAIRY CREATURE appeared in front of me. It looked like my moms but it had HAIR ON ITS FACE as well as on its head. My moms have long hair on their heads and no hair on their faces, but this one had short hair on its head and on its face. Normally I would want to taste new things like that but I was unable to move and get a better look at it.
Then the hairy creature PROBED ME IN A VERY PERSONAL REGION. I was really offended but too scared to do anything. Also I was still too scared to taste its hair. Then I was being carried into another secret chamber and POKED AND PRODDED SOME MORE.
When I was carried back into the room with the COLD METAL TABLE, the hairy creature PINCHED MY NECK and then I really couldn't move. I felt the hairy creature put something FOREIGN ON MY NECK. I wanted to investigate it but I couldn't reach back there. I think the hairy creature put it there on purpose so that I would NEVER FIND IT. But the hairy creature was only partially right, because I knew there was SOMETHING FOREIGN ON MY NECK.
I have heard about this sort of thing happening to humans. I think they call it ALIEN ABDUCTION. Humans get abducted lots, and some humans get abducted lots more than others.
I am good at logic, so I am pretty sure I will see the hairy creature again. But the aliens that take humans don't have any hair. So I guess I was ABDUCTED BY SPECIAL CAT ALIENS.
I think I should make myself a hat out of tinfoil, but first I think I will make sure the tinfoil tastes okay.
My one mom (with the tasty hair) put me in THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH last Friday. I complained all the way to the car, to no avail. Then the car started vibrating and making that soothing humming noise and we were moving and all was better. Eut then we were in front of a BIG SCARY BUILDING and it just went DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
I don't know what happened next. But then I found myself crawling out of THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH onto a COLD METAL TABLE. I am pretty sure I have been there before and some yucky stuff happened those times too.
Then this WEIRD HAIRY CREATURE appeared in front of me. It looked like my moms but it had HAIR ON ITS FACE as well as on its head. My moms have long hair on their heads and no hair on their faces, but this one had short hair on its head and on its face. Normally I would want to taste new things like that but I was unable to move and get a better look at it.
Then the hairy creature PROBED ME IN A VERY PERSONAL REGION. I was really offended but too scared to do anything. Also I was still too scared to taste its hair. Then I was being carried into another secret chamber and POKED AND PRODDED SOME MORE.
When I was carried back into the room with the COLD METAL TABLE, the hairy creature PINCHED MY NECK and then I really couldn't move. I felt the hairy creature put something FOREIGN ON MY NECK. I wanted to investigate it but I couldn't reach back there. I think the hairy creature put it there on purpose so that I would NEVER FIND IT. But the hairy creature was only partially right, because I knew there was SOMETHING FOREIGN ON MY NECK.
I have heard about this sort of thing happening to humans. I think they call it ALIEN ABDUCTION. Humans get abducted lots, and some humans get abducted lots more than others. I am good at logic, so I am pretty sure I will see the hairy creature again. But the aliens that take humans don't have any hair. So I guess I was ABDUCTED BY SPECIAL CAT ALIENS.
I think I should make myself a hat out of tinfoil, but first I think I will make sure the tinfoil tastes okay.
Labels: trauma
