you can't eat that!

I think there is some kind of VAST CONSPIRACY in my house.

My moms are usually preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS OUTSIDE OF ME. But in the past couple of weeks, they have been preoccupied with KEEPING THINGS INSIDE OF ME.

This is horribly confusing.

I will admit that I had been puking quite a bit. I was taken to the vet twice in four days because of the puking. Also I was losing weight, and even I thought this was a bad thing. The vet asked after my activity level. My moms informed him that LETHARGY IS NOT AMONG THIS CAT'S PROBLEMS.

After a humiliating series of pokes, prods, and probes, the vet decided that perhaps the puking was the result of EATING TOO FAST. He declared that I needed to take some pills for several days, which is bad enough in itself. But also he instructed my moms to PUT ROCKS ON MY FOOD.

The first time my moms loaded up my dish with rocks, I was sorely upset. I yelled at them to GET THESE ROCKS OFF MY BREAKFAST but they would have none of it. They stood by and watched as I excavated my breakfast. This was extremely hard work, and not at all befitting of a predator. I have tried scolding my moms many times since, but still they will have none of it and I suppose I should just RESIGN MYSELF TO MY FATE.

But there is a silver lining in all of this. The vet recommended that I get only a little bit of my meals at a time, even with the rocks on top. My moms have split my meals in half, which means that I get TWO BREAKFASTS and TWO DINNERS. I am not sure whether my moms have figured out how happy it makes me to be fed FOUR TIMES A DAY.

I probably should not tell them. Given that there is a VAST CONSPIRACY AFOOT, any expression of joy on my part might well result in a return to twice-a-day feedings.

Labels: trauma