you can't eat that!

First of all I must offer sincere apologies for my LENGTHY ABSENCE. I have been very busy. I would tell you all of the things I have been doing, but then my moms might find out and I WOULD BE IN BIG TROUBLE.

Also I would like to mention that I have now lived with my moms for MORE THAN FIVE YEARS. Except for this whole discipline thing, they do take very good care of me and so I think I will stick around for a while longer. Of course, I would stick around even if I thought otherwise of my moms; and this is because I am terrified of OUTSIDE.

And I am happy to report that I no longer need ROCKS ON MY FOOD. My moms went away for a week and LEFT ME AT THE VET. They did not always put the rocks on my food, but then it turned out I DO NOT NEED THEM ANYMORE. I am trying to convince my moms that my improvement is directly due to being LEFT AT THE VET FOR A WEEK but I worry that they might ship me off every time they think some behavior modification is in order.

In other news I tried to pilfer some CHICKEN recently. My mom with the comfy lap had a BIRTHDAY a few weeks ago. She had a party, but I was not invited. This suited me just fine because the party was OUTSIDE, of which (as previously mentioned) I am terrified. After the party there was a lot of leftover raw CHICKEN in the refrigerator and my mom with the comfy lap was getting ready to go away for a few days. My mom with the tasty hair does not eat any meat and so she was all HONEY, WILL YOU COOK UP THE DRUMSTICKS BEFORE YOU GO AWAY? YOU CAN PUT THEM IN THE FREEZER which my mom with the comfy lap thought was a pretty good idea. But then my mom with the tasty hair was all WELL, I CAN'T TAKE CREDIT FOR THAT IDEA; IT WAS ACTUALLY MY MOM'S SUGGESTION. This was still okay with my mom with the comfy lap because my other mom's mom is cool.

So my mom with the comfy lap cooked up a lot of CHICKEN DRUMSTICKS. She gave me a little piece in my dish. It was still somewhat hot and so I had to FLING IT AROUND A BIT for purposes of temperature normalization. I was very pleased to discover that my one mom had brushed the drumsticks with BARBEQUE SAUCE which is my all-time favorite condiment other than the water in the tuna fish cans.

Then my moms went off to look at some stuff on the internet. I went in the kitchen to see what there was to see. And I saw that there were MILLIONS OF DRUMSTICKS COOLING ON TOP OF THE STOVE. Luckily I found the one of which my mom with the comfy lap had given me a sample. The rest of it was obviously intended for me, so I took it.

My moms came bounding into the kitchen and it was all BAD CAT! YOU DON'T GET THE REST OF THE DRUMSTICK! and YES, BUT ISN'T SHE CLEVER TO TAKE THE ONE WE GAVE HER A PIECE OF? and OKAY, SHE IS CLEVER BUT SHE IS STILL VERY BAD! I zoomed upstairs to lick the last bits of barbeque-basted chicken from my lips.

This, I think, is GROSSLY UNFAIR. Only one of my moms will be eating all those FROZEN DRUMSTICKS and I think I could do them a great service by helping out. So I think my moms need some improvement in the area of SHARING. Maybe they should go SPEND A WEEK AT THE VET.

Labels: people food