you can't eat that!

Probably my favorite thing to do in my free time is CONDUCTING INVESTIGATIONS. I investigate all sorts of things, like the paper in the recycling bag, the flora and fauna on the kitchen floor, and the stuff in the space under the stairs. My moms keep a lot of things in the space under the stairs. Among other items of intense interest, I have found shoeboxes, wrapping paper, and my one mom's big huge painting back there. My mom with the tasty hair did this big huge painting once, but she doesn't want it on the wall these days. So she wrapped it all up in newsprint and stuck it under the stairs. I do not understand art, but I do understand EATING NEWSPRINT.

My moms chase me out from under the stairs more often than they would prefer. (I also would prefer this to happen less often, but for entirely different reasons.) Sometimes they will PICK ME UP AND FORCIBLY REMOVE ME FROM THE PREMISES. I hear this is kind of like what happens to U.N. weapons inspectors. They go poking around for items of intense interest, and then they get kicked out of wherever they were poking around. Any items already of intense interest get a whole lot more interesting after the kibosh is put on your investigation.

My moms heard me under the stairs the other day. I was happily testing the newsprint's fitness for feline consumption when it was all CAT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UNDER THERE? THAT IS NOT HOW YOU APPRECIATE ART! and one of my moms picked me up and carried me into the bedroom, whereupon she set me on the bed and proclaimed,

J'ACCUSE!

This, I understand, is French for "smell my finger." Coincidentally, that's my second favorite activity.

Labels: modus operandi