you can't eat that!
1:44 PM Eastern Time
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Fiber
Most of the time I write about my moms telling me YOU CAN'T EAT THAT and my not understanding what the big deal is. I hereby make a confession that yesterday I ATE SOMETHING WHICH I SHOULD NOT HAVE EATEN.
My one mom, with the comfy lap, was sitting someplace and working on something very important when all of a sudden she realized I had VOMITED UPON THE FLOOR. This is not an altogether uncommon event after my actual mealtimes, but when it happens in the middle of the afternoon it is usually because I have sampled something delicious off the floor.
So my one mom went to investigate and found that I had coughed up a VERY SMALL PIECE OF WOOD, about 1/8" by 1/2". Upon examination of this evidence, my one mom started to worry that maybe I had hurt my insides with it. So she called the place where I get THINGS STUCK IN VERY PRIVATE LOCATIONS and everyone there thought I had eaten some potpourri.
But we do not have potpourri in the house. I don't actually know what potpourri is, but the one thing I do know about it is that it is a SMELLY THING. I also know that my other mom, with the tasty hair, is VERY ALLERGIC TO SMELLY THINGS. Therefore, we must not have potpourri in the house, and therefore also I did not eat potpourri. QED.
Anyway, the people at the place where they stick things in my private locations said that I was probably fine unless I either (a) got lethargic or (b) vomited more stuff upon the floor. My mom with the comfy lap noted that I was not at all lethargic. In fact I was quite happily walking across her lap and drooling on her and trying to make her pet me by inserting my head under her hand. I had also completely forgotten about the vomiting. Therefore I was probably fine. QED.
But the people also said that I COULD NOT HAVE DINNER because maybe I wasn't fine.
THIS WAS NOT FINE WITH ME.
I begged and begged and begged all evening to get my moms to go against medical advice. I pulled out all the stops. I MEOWED and I did TRICKS and I did a lot of SNUGGLING and I even GROOMED MY MOMS just to show how fine I was. But they would not relent. And in fact it was all CATS WHO EAT WOOD DON'T GET DINNER, and NO DINNER FOR YOU, YOU ATE WOOD and so forth.
I have now been fortified by breakfast, WHICH WAS MY FIRST MEAL IN 24 HOURS, and I realize my mistake. My moms occasionally let me eat some cereal, which has fiber in it and which does not hurt my insides and which is also fun to bat about on the kitchen floor. I think maybe I will stick to cereal and stop eating splinters.
And maybe my moms will not figure out that when I get some of their cereal after polishing off my morning dose of turkey and giblets, really this amounts to my having TWO BREAKFASTS.
My one mom, with the comfy lap, was sitting someplace and working on something very important when all of a sudden she realized I had VOMITED UPON THE FLOOR. This is not an altogether uncommon event after my actual mealtimes, but when it happens in the middle of the afternoon it is usually because I have sampled something delicious off the floor.
So my one mom went to investigate and found that I had coughed up a VERY SMALL PIECE OF WOOD, about 1/8" by 1/2". Upon examination of this evidence, my one mom started to worry that maybe I had hurt my insides with it. So she called the place where I get THINGS STUCK IN VERY PRIVATE LOCATIONS and everyone there thought I had eaten some potpourri.
But we do not have potpourri in the house. I don't actually know what potpourri is, but the one thing I do know about it is that it is a SMELLY THING. I also know that my other mom, with the tasty hair, is VERY ALLERGIC TO SMELLY THINGS. Therefore, we must not have potpourri in the house, and therefore also I did not eat potpourri. QED.
Anyway, the people at the place where they stick things in my private locations said that I was probably fine unless I either (a) got lethargic or (b) vomited more stuff upon the floor. My mom with the comfy lap noted that I was not at all lethargic. In fact I was quite happily walking across her lap and drooling on her and trying to make her pet me by inserting my head under her hand. I had also completely forgotten about the vomiting. Therefore I was probably fine. QED.
But the people also said that I COULD NOT HAVE DINNER because maybe I wasn't fine.
THIS WAS NOT FINE WITH ME.
I begged and begged and begged all evening to get my moms to go against medical advice. I pulled out all the stops. I MEOWED and I did TRICKS and I did a lot of SNUGGLING and I even GROOMED MY MOMS just to show how fine I was. But they would not relent. And in fact it was all CATS WHO EAT WOOD DON'T GET DINNER, and NO DINNER FOR YOU, YOU ATE WOOD and so forth.
I have now been fortified by breakfast, WHICH WAS MY FIRST MEAL IN 24 HOURS, and I realize my mistake. My moms occasionally let me eat some cereal, which has fiber in it and which does not hurt my insides and which is also fun to bat about on the kitchen floor. I think maybe I will stick to cereal and stop eating splinters.
And maybe my moms will not figure out that when I get some of their cereal after polishing off my morning dose of turkey and giblets, really this amounts to my having TWO BREAKFASTS.
Labels: floor candy
