you can't eat that!
8:08 PM Eastern Time
Monday, April 14, 2008
Set for life
My mom with the tasty hair is very good at something my other mom, the one with the comfy lap, calls RECTIFYING THINGS. My mom with the tasty hair believes that THINGS SHOULD WORK RIGHT THE FIRST TIME and therefore when something does not work right the first time, she feels the need to FIX IT. And if it still does not work right the second time, my one mom can get pretty beside herself.
I can understand where my one mom is coming from. When it is time for my breakfast or my dinner, and my moms are not acknowledging my EXTREME HUNGER, I can get pretty beside myself. Before I resort to EMERGENCY SUSTENANCE PLAN ALPHA, I state my complaint very clearly and repeatedly. This, I gather, is the essence of RECTIFYING THINGS.
Shortly before the kitten arrived, my mom with the tasty hair decided it was time to address the matter of the IMPOSSIBLE-TO-OPEN CANS OF CAT FOOD. Iams had changed their recipe, which pleased me greatly, but they had also apparently changed the type of metal in the can, which displeased my moms and me alike. My mom with the tasty hair had especial difficulty with the cans in the morning. The pull-tab would come off without opening the can, and then she would have to use the can opener, and that take A VERITABLE ETERNITY and meanwhile I would be DYING OF STARVATION AT HER FEET. So one morning, while my other mom was still asleep, my one mom called up Iams to complain.
My mom with the tasty hair tells me that the Iams lady was very apologetic and asked her how many cans had given her problems. My mom estimated that it was about eighteen. So the Iams lady said she would send my mom some replacements. This was all very well and good, but then my mom with the comfy lap (when she finally woke up) was all SO ARE WE GETTING EIGHTEEN CANS OF FREE CAT FOOD THAT WE CAN'T OPEN? and my mom with the tasty hair was all WELL, PROBABLY, BUT FREE CAT FOOD IS FREE CAT FOOD.
I could not agree more.
Unfortunately, no free cat food was delivered to our house. However, EIGHTEEN COUPONS FOR FREE CAT FOOD were delivered to our house. My mom with the tasty hair was amused to see that each coupon was redeemable for AN ENTIRE CASE OF CAT FOOD. I did some quick calculation and realized that this totals TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN CANS OF FREE CAT FOOD.
My mom with the comfy lap then went out to get some of this marvelous free cat food. She told my mom with the tasty hair that the cashier had been all WHAT IS UP WITH THESE FUNKY COUPONS? I HAVE SEEN A FEW OTHER PEOPLE WITH THEM. This amused my mom with the tasty hair even more. I guess RECTIFIERS flock together.
I can understand where my one mom is coming from. When it is time for my breakfast or my dinner, and my moms are not acknowledging my EXTREME HUNGER, I can get pretty beside myself. Before I resort to EMERGENCY SUSTENANCE PLAN ALPHA, I state my complaint very clearly and repeatedly. This, I gather, is the essence of RECTIFYING THINGS.
Shortly before the kitten arrived, my mom with the tasty hair decided it was time to address the matter of the IMPOSSIBLE-TO-OPEN CANS OF CAT FOOD. Iams had changed their recipe, which pleased me greatly, but they had also apparently changed the type of metal in the can, which displeased my moms and me alike. My mom with the tasty hair had especial difficulty with the cans in the morning. The pull-tab would come off without opening the can, and then she would have to use the can opener, and that take A VERITABLE ETERNITY and meanwhile I would be DYING OF STARVATION AT HER FEET. So one morning, while my other mom was still asleep, my one mom called up Iams to complain.
My mom with the tasty hair tells me that the Iams lady was very apologetic and asked her how many cans had given her problems. My mom estimated that it was about eighteen. So the Iams lady said she would send my mom some replacements. This was all very well and good, but then my mom with the comfy lap (when she finally woke up) was all SO ARE WE GETTING EIGHTEEN CANS OF FREE CAT FOOD THAT WE CAN'T OPEN? and my mom with the tasty hair was all WELL, PROBABLY, BUT FREE CAT FOOD IS FREE CAT FOOD.
I could not agree more.
Unfortunately, no free cat food was delivered to our house. However, EIGHTEEN COUPONS FOR FREE CAT FOOD were delivered to our house. My mom with the tasty hair was amused to see that each coupon was redeemable for AN ENTIRE CASE OF CAT FOOD. I did some quick calculation and realized that this totals TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN CANS OF FREE CAT FOOD.
My mom with the comfy lap then went out to get some of this marvelous free cat food. She told my mom with the tasty hair that the cashier had been all WHAT IS UP WITH THESE FUNKY COUPONS? I HAVE SEEN A FEW OTHER PEOPLE WITH THEM. This amused my mom with the tasty hair even more. I guess RECTIFIERS flock together.
Labels: moms
7:13 PM Eastern Time
Friday, April 11, 2008
The kitten
A little over a week ago, my moms DISAPPEARED FOR TWO DAYS and then CAME HOME WITH THE KITTEN. My mom with the tasty hair is now much smaller than she previously had been. I had actually been enjoying her lap for a few weeks prior, but then she WENT AND GOT RID OF THE PADDING.
To my moms' pleasant surprise, I do not really feel in competition with this little mewling thing. My favorite person in the whole world, also known as the dad of my mom with the tasty hair, is here, as is the mom of my mom with the tasty hair. I am pleased to be getting LOTS OF ATTENTION even though the kitten is getting more.
I am also COMPORTING MYSELF VERY NICELY, thank you, in my interactions with the kitten. Her hair smells very interesting, which I assume is not a coincidence given where she came from, but I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN SNIFF IT. This is somewhat frustrating for me, but I am being UTTERLY RESPECTFUL and have only tried to eat the kitten's hair once. My moms would claim I did this twice, but the second time was actually UNSOLICITED GROOMING.
Many people have asked my moms what the kitten will call them. My vote is for MOM WITH THE COMFY LAP and MOM WITH THE TASTY HAIR, but my moms say these are JUST TOO LONG. I don't know about that, though. Works just fine for me.
To my moms' pleasant surprise, I do not really feel in competition with this little mewling thing. My favorite person in the whole world, also known as the dad of my mom with the tasty hair, is here, as is the mom of my mom with the tasty hair. I am pleased to be getting LOTS OF ATTENTION even though the kitten is getting more.I am also COMPORTING MYSELF VERY NICELY, thank you, in my interactions with the kitten. Her hair smells very interesting, which I assume is not a coincidence given where she came from, but I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN SNIFF IT. This is somewhat frustrating for me, but I am being UTTERLY RESPECTFUL and have only tried to eat the kitten's hair once. My moms would claim I did this twice, but the second time was actually UNSOLICITED GROOMING.
Many people have asked my moms what the kitten will call them. My vote is for MOM WITH THE COMFY LAP and MOM WITH THE TASTY HAIR, but my moms say these are JUST TOO LONG. I don't know about that, though. Works just fine for me.
