you can't eat that!
10:30 PM Eastern Time
Friday, February 17, 2006
I am an X-file
A VERY TRAUMATIC THING happened to me a week ago. It has taken me SEVEN DAYS to recover enough to share these events with the rest of the world.
My one mom (with the tasty hair) put me in THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH last Friday. I complained all the way to the car, to no avail. Then the car started vibrating and making that soothing humming noise and we were moving and all was better. Eut then we were in front of a BIG SCARY BUILDING and it just went DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
I don't know what happened next. But then I found myself crawling out of THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH onto a COLD METAL TABLE. I am pretty sure I have been there before and some yucky stuff happened those times too.
Then this WEIRD HAIRY CREATURE appeared in front of me. It looked like my moms but it had HAIR ON ITS FACE as well as on its head. My moms have long hair on their heads and no hair on their faces, but this one had short hair on its head and on its face. Normally I would want to taste new things like that but I was unable to move and get a better look at it.
Then the hairy creature PROBED ME IN A VERY PERSONAL REGION. I was really offended but too scared to do anything. Also I was still too scared to taste its hair. Then I was being carried into another secret chamber and POKED AND PRODDED SOME MORE.
When I was carried back into the room with the COLD METAL TABLE, the hairy creature PINCHED MY NECK and then I really couldn't move. I felt the hairy creature put something FOREIGN ON MY NECK. I wanted to investigate it but I couldn't reach back there. I think the hairy creature put it there on purpose so that I would NEVER FIND IT. But the hairy creature was only partially right, because I knew there was SOMETHING FOREIGN ON MY NECK.
I have heard about this sort of thing happening to humans. I think they call it ALIEN ABDUCTION. Humans get abducted lots, and some humans get abducted lots more than others.
I am good at logic, so I am pretty sure I will see the hairy creature again. But the aliens that take humans don't have any hair. So I guess I was ABDUCTED BY SPECIAL CAT ALIENS.
I think I should make myself a hat out of tinfoil, but first I think I will make sure the tinfoil tastes okay.
My one mom (with the tasty hair) put me in THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH last Friday. I complained all the way to the car, to no avail. Then the car started vibrating and making that soothing humming noise and we were moving and all was better. Eut then we were in front of a BIG SCARY BUILDING and it just went DOWNHILL FROM THERE.
I don't know what happened next. But then I found myself crawling out of THE PURPLE BOX OF DEATH onto a COLD METAL TABLE. I am pretty sure I have been there before and some yucky stuff happened those times too.
Then this WEIRD HAIRY CREATURE appeared in front of me. It looked like my moms but it had HAIR ON ITS FACE as well as on its head. My moms have long hair on their heads and no hair on their faces, but this one had short hair on its head and on its face. Normally I would want to taste new things like that but I was unable to move and get a better look at it.
Then the hairy creature PROBED ME IN A VERY PERSONAL REGION. I was really offended but too scared to do anything. Also I was still too scared to taste its hair. Then I was being carried into another secret chamber and POKED AND PRODDED SOME MORE.
When I was carried back into the room with the COLD METAL TABLE, the hairy creature PINCHED MY NECK and then I really couldn't move. I felt the hairy creature put something FOREIGN ON MY NECK. I wanted to investigate it but I couldn't reach back there. I think the hairy creature put it there on purpose so that I would NEVER FIND IT. But the hairy creature was only partially right, because I knew there was SOMETHING FOREIGN ON MY NECK.
I have heard about this sort of thing happening to humans. I think they call it ALIEN ABDUCTION. Humans get abducted lots, and some humans get abducted lots more than others. I am good at logic, so I am pretty sure I will see the hairy creature again. But the aliens that take humans don't have any hair. So I guess I was ABDUCTED BY SPECIAL CAT ALIENS.
I think I should make myself a hat out of tinfoil, but first I think I will make sure the tinfoil tastes okay.
Labels: trauma
7:17 PM Eastern Time
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Friend or foe?
This is something I know I'm not supposed to eat. Contrary to what my moms say, I don't actually eat these. I think they are kind of like what people call chewing gum. I SLOBBER ALL OVER THEM and maybe also all over the floor, but I don't actually swallow them. They just taste REALLY, REALLY GOOD.But I think maybe THEY MIGHT EAT ME. My moms have a lot of these around so they can clean up after my PERSONAL BUSINESS. These things make a lot of SCARY CRINKLY NOISES and I have no choice but to run away and hide. If I can't eat them, they are also not allowed to eat me. That is how it works.
My moms do not understand why I like to put these in my mouth and make crinkly noises, yet I don't like the crinkly noises they make on their own. My one mom, with the hair, calls this an "approach-avoidance conflict" or something like that. I don't know what that means, but anyway, it's TOTALLY A NO-BRAINER:
When I put one of these in my mouth and make crinkly noises with it, I can rest assured that IT IS IN MY MOUTH, and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
Labels: household items
7:55 PM Eastern Time
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Lunch!
My moms don't have this stuff very often. In fact, my one mom (with the yummy hair) does not like this stuff. She is NUTS! My other mom (with the comfy lap) loves this stuff.I love it too. I think maybe I love it more than she does. But I will never get to prove this to her, because she NEVER LETS ME HAVE ANY.
I got as close as I could get to it before my moms SCOLDED ME and I had to RUN AWAY and PRETEND NOT TO BE INTERESTED ANYMORE.
That was REALLY HARD.
Actually, I found myself COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF FEIGNING DISINTEREST.
I think they lied about it being COMPLETELY OFF-LIMITS TO CATS.
Labels: people food
Why cats blog
I am a cat.
By nature I am, of course, very curious. A lot of things are REALLY INTERESTING to me.
Also, I like to eat stuff. So a lot of things are REALLY INTERESTING to me because THEY COULD BE FOOD!
My moms (I have two of those) sometimes will SCOLD ME for EATING THINGS THAT ARE NOT FOOD. They do not appreciate the FINER THINGS IN LIFE.
So I thought I would get one of these blog things and share my thoughts on what is edible and what is not. I think pretty much anything can be food, so I have lots of material.
But my one mom, the one I like to sit on, says that CATS CAN'T TYPE. My other mom, the one whose hair tastes excellent, says that cats can type, but they are just REALLY BAD AT IT.
My moms do not know very much.
By nature I am, of course, very curious. A lot of things are REALLY INTERESTING to me.
Also, I like to eat stuff. So a lot of things are REALLY INTERESTING to me because THEY COULD BE FOOD!
My moms (I have two of those) sometimes will SCOLD ME for EATING THINGS THAT ARE NOT FOOD. They do not appreciate the FINER THINGS IN LIFE.
So I thought I would get one of these blog things and share my thoughts on what is edible and what is not. I think pretty much anything can be food, so I have lots of material.
But my one mom, the one I like to sit on, says that CATS CAN'T TYPE. My other mom, the one whose hair tastes excellent, says that cats can type, but they are just REALLY BAD AT IT.
My moms do not know very much.
Labels: modus operandi
